Sprint 5

Okay, I know, I know — I've reverted to agile terminology again. What can I say, I love a sprint. There's no other way around it, that's what this is. I'm not calling them weeks, because weeks can change. Sessions can't (well — anything can change, so is even that true? For the purposes of this little reflection blog, yes. Let's go with it). I'm in sprint 5 of 12. I believe I'm back on track. I mean business.

One of the hardest things about being your own boss is accountability. As a multi-passionate person, a lot of things interest me, and a lot of things vie for my attention. Focusing, and getting something done in the time I said I'd get it done — that's where the sprint comes in.

But before we move on, a quick reflection on last week: what a bummer. I was so annoyed. But I did everything I had to do to get back on track. (See? I can focus when I'm serious.)

In session 5, it became clear why I'd been so upset with my treatment team for the past few weeks. I had a new nurse this time, and he actually talked to me, a lot. At one point he said, basically, everything about this place is the pits. If you're here, it sucks.

Yes. Yes, it does.

I know, I know — I'm not fighting for my life with some red devil of a drug. But not too long ago I was footloose and fancy-free, and now I'm not, and somewhere in there I'd like an acknowledgment that this fucking sucks. That's what's been missing from the doctor and the crew, this matter-of-fact way of moving right along. I get that they have to move along. But how about: I know this sucks the big one, and I see that, and I know that, and I'm just trying to keep you safe, and I know you have a whole life outside of here, and everything I'm asking you to do is a major disruption to that life. That's the feedback I'm giving. And if I find myself getting frustrated again, I'm going to say it out loud: can we just acknowledge that this all sucks?

Okay. Moving on. The sprint.

This session, I planned out my next week, and I set some absolutes — the things that absolutely had to happen to move my own goals forward (purposeful work, and family) before I show up in that chair again. My sprint. I thought long and hard about it and only put a few things on the list — the things I've known I needed to do but kept pushing off. Into the book they went. And guess what, I'm getting them done. I have to. If I sit down in that chair for another session and I didn't do what I said I'd do after all that deep contemplation, I might as well throw this whole blog out the window. I might as well shove my head in the sand, get through this, and pretend at the end it never happened.

Oh, hell no.

I'm building some mental muscle from this experience. I promise you that.

Funny enough, this isn't the first time I've been here. Last summer, Week 5 was called "Civic Engagement (Or... Why Am I Doing This for Free?)" all about the strange, unpaid work of showing up for something because it matters, not because anyone's making you. No boss. No paycheck. No performance evaluation. Just the virtues, and consultation, and doing it anyway. Turns out that's exactly where I am again, just with a different unpaid job: staying accountable to myself. No scrum master. No boss. No performance evaluation. Just good old life.

See you next sprint!