Three more left!

I am so over this. Three sessions of therapy left and I am counting them down like a kid counting down to summer break, except summer break didn't come with a low hum of "please, God, don't let anything push this back." So that's my prayer this week: clear road, no detours, just let me get to the other side of this thing.

Now I have to start thinking about what I’m really going to takeaway from all this.

My first thought on that? Time to contemplate. Not "think about my to-do list while pretending to meditate" contemplate — actual space to think, to visualize where I'm headed, and to set small, doable goals week by week instead of one big vague hope floating out there in the distance. I haven't been doing the visualizing part. I'll be honest about that. But I'm circling back to it now, on purpose, while I still have this pocket of forced slowness to use.

And speaking of using the slowness well — I finally launched my YouTube channel. @ourcivicendeavor is live, for better or worse.

My 20-year-old is the reason it exists at all. He sat with me, showed me how to record myself actually working on my computer, walked me through making a thumbnail that doesn't look like it was made by someone's mom (even though it was). It's rough. It's a work in progress. There's currently one slightly ridiculous test video sitting on there like a placeholder flag planted in new territory.

But hey, my only goal for this week was get something up. Not get something good up. Not get something polished up. Just get something up. And it's up.

The plan for the channel is bigger than one silly test clip, though. I want it to become the place where people can watch the actual build journey of Our Civic Endeavor web app I'm building, same name as the channel — from the inside. Not the shiny finished version, the real one: the decisions, the dead ends, the "wait, is this the ethical way to build this?" conversations happening in real time. I want people to see not just that it works, but that it was built to be responsible — and I want to show them how I'm checking that as I go, not just tell them to trust me.

So that's where I am. Three sessions from done. One video up. A mini goal met. And a little more room, finally, to think.